Cluster Headaches and Heartaches

I haven’t blogged recently because quite frankly I am not well. I have been down for a week with debilitating headaches. After two trips to the ER I was told I have cluster headaches…Here’s some vicodin, follow up with your doctor. If anything I now admire people who put up with extreme pain every day for several years just to live their lives to the fullest.

With headaches has come heartache and honestly with the situations that I have faced this past week I’m beginning to wonder if my biggest regret in life is having loved at all. I can see why men can turn into Scrooges, keep to themselves and have no sympathy for anyone else. That sort of lifestyle keeps the heart safe. It also prevents you from feeling happiness… Right now, I can’t say which is worse…

Perhaps it’s the headaches or perhaps it’s the situations themselves. Either way I’m finding myself walking through the aftermath of some rather unpleasant situations, questioning if I should have known this from the start. Right now, the only thing I know for certain is that I’m left with just a piece of my heart.

Nephi or Moroni?

September, 1827

After the First Vision, Joseph Smith recounts the next seven years of his life in the Pearl of Great Price which included visions of an angle named Moroni who usually appeared to him around 22^nd of September (the first appearance being September 21^st, 1823), the death of his brother, his marriage to Emma Hale and his employment in which he dug a silver mine. It’s a rather boring narrative clear up to Joseph Smith receiving the gold plates that the Book of Mormon was written on and it still doesn’t get much more interesting.  Joseph never wrote just for the pleasure of writing for himself; he always wrote with the audience in mind and therefore, his writings become rather dramatic and altogether too wordy. But that is for the literary eye to critique, not me.  I am more interested in what he says in his writings concerning what happened in his life.  After all, his First Vision declared that God was real and appeared to men and that His son, Jesus, proclaimed that all churches were wrong- if that is all true, I want to know about it! But I also want to know if it isn’t true. (Wouldn’t you?)

After the telling of the First Vision, Joseph sets into motion the idea that it must have happened because he was sorely persecuted for it.  But I’ve already investigated those claims and found that it doesn’t quite match up to what history said happened.  However, this is not an uncommon path to take when trying to tug at someone’s feelings for your religious cause. The New Testament is littered with persecution stories; whether it actually happened that way or not might be considered to be a matter of faith. Regardless, we have the historical evidence that suggests Smith wasn’t as persecuted as he said. Persecution came later in his life and with more compelling reasons than his claim of seeing God.

Three years after the First Vision Joseph had another vision in his own home in which an angel  appeared to him and told him that he had a work to do for God.

The official version of this story, as now canonized in LDS scripture appears as follows in the Pearl of Great Price in the section entitled: Joseph Smith-History:

In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections; when, on the evening of the above-mentioned twenty-first of September, after I had retired to my bed for the night, I betook myself to prayer and supplication to Almighty God for forgiveness of all my sins and follies, and also for a manifestation to me, that I might know of my state and standing before him; for I had full confidence in obtaining a divine manifestation, as I previously had one.

While I was thus in the act of calling upon God, I discovered a light appearing in my room, which continued to increase until the room was lighter than at noonday, when immediately a personage appeared at my bedside, standing in the air, for his feet did not touch the floor.

He had on a loose robe of most exquisite whiteness. It was a whiteness beyond anything earthly I had ever seen; nor do I believe that any earthly thing could be made to appear so exceedingly white and brilliant. His hands were naked, and his arms also, a little above the wrist; so, also, were his feet naked, as were his legs, a little above the ankles. His head and neck were also bare. I could discover that he had no other clothing on but this robe, as it was open, so that I could see into his bosom.

Not only was his robe exceedingly white, but his whole person was glorious beyond description, and his countenance truly like lightning. The room was exceedingly light, but not so very bright as immediately around his person. When I first looked upon him, I was afraid; but the fear soon left me.

He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni; that God had a work for me to do; and that my name should be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues, or that it should be both good and evil spoken of among all people.

He said there was a book deposited, written upon gold plates, giving an account of the former inhabitants of this continent, and the source from whence they sprang. He also said that the fullness of the everlasting Gospel was contained in it, as delivered by the Savior to the ancient inhabitants… (Joseph Smith-History 1:29-34)

This account, just like the First Vision was written in 1838, eleven years after the fact.  But it isn’t without issues.

It is difficult to say when Joseph Smith first started telling people about the vision of Moroni as history shows that no one really seemed to know Joseph was religious and many were surprised at the publication of the Book of Mormon and while I’ve done research, I still remain confused about when the story first appeared. It seems safe to say, however, that while he was working on much of the translation at the Peter Whitmer Sr. home in Fayette, New York during 1829 he was telling the story.

I have heard my grandmother say on several occasions that she was shown the plates of the Book of Mormon by an holy angel, whom she always called Brother Nephi. (Statement made by J.C. Whitmer in 1888)

Whhhhhaaaaaaaattttttttttt???

I thought the name was Moroni?

Thus stems the problem. It would seem to me that in 1829, while Joseph Smith was working on the translation of the Book of Mormon, he was informing the Whitmer family that the angel whom had presented it to him was Nephi. Of course now, this doesn’t make sense considering that it was Moroni in the Book of Mormon who had buried the plates of gold and was the last to give his account. Apparently Joseph had figured this out by 1838, but there are problems again with the name of the angel who appeared to Joseph.

In 1838, Joseph Smith began writing the accounts of the First Vision and the visitation of the angel Moroni. He dictated to a scribe named James Mulholland and gave him the account of the visitation of the angel whom he called Nephi.  The confusing part of this, however, is that eight years in a revelation Joseph called the angel Moroni: Behold, this is wisdom in me; wherefore, marvel not, for he hour cometh that I will drink of the fruit of the vine with you on the earth and with Moroni, whom I have sent unto you to reveal the Book of Mormon, containing the fullness of my everlasting gospel, to whom I have committed the keys of the record of the stick of Ephraim. (Doctrine and Covenants 27:5, written August 1830) But in 1838, there it was, but why? Of course apologetic answer, Joseph got mixed up. Lame. How do you get mixed up?

I purpose that the angel’s name has been Nephi all along and well as Joseph went along with his creation, he realized that it had to be Moroni.

It was published in the Times and Seasons in 1842: When I first looked upon him I was afraid, but the fear soon left me. He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Nephi…

Mellennial Star, August 1842: …message of the angel Nephi…opened a new dispensation to man…

In the 1851 edition of the Pearl of Great Price page 41: He called me by name and said unto me, that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Nephi.

Even Joseph Smith’s mother, Lucy Mack Smith wrote in Biographical Sketches page 79 writes that the angel’s name was Nephi.

What is most troubling to me is that Joseph lived for two years after the publication of the telling of the angel Nephi in the Times and Seasons and he was the editor, but he never changed the publication and never issued a retractor to it. What’s the deal?  Was Nephi the angel’s name of the angel or was it Moroni?

LDS apologists argue that the references cited above may propagate a transcription error omitted during the 1838 manuscript recitation. It is claimed that Joseph or his scribe perhaps tangled the names in the process. While this is possible, it defies credibility that the error would then go undetected for four years, pass review for conclusion in the Times and Seasons, not be corrected in any subsequent issue, and then recur in 1851 in the printing of the Pearl of Great Price. (http://trailsofascension.net/mormon/nephi.html)

Catching Up

Life has not been the greatest as I’ve stepped into the second week of the New Year. While I could go into a drawn out deal about what all has been going on, I don’t want to waste my time dwelling on the negative. Things will work out, no matter what happens-Everything will be ok.

I’ve been reading the Gospel Principles and am up to chapter 30. So far what I’ve been reading has been in regards more towards positive ways to live rather than per-say doctrinal concerns. While I seem psychological games happening I have no major complaint against what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says about work and responsibility, helping others, and staying healthy. In all honesty, everyone could benefit from these ideas.

Anyway I’m pacing my way through, trying to find a balance with the craziness of life, taking care of my family, study, working, etc. etc. etc…

I think too often in life we forget to find a balance-we just plug along hitting the daily grind day in and day out and forget to slow down.

Work, rest, play-all essential aspects to a happy life. And while life isn’t particularly the happiest right now, I am nevertheless happy.

Take care of yourselves.

Adeeb

The New and Everlasting Covenants Part 2

I’ve noticed over the past few weeks that my blog on Mormon polygamy has been hit a number of times. Today I thought I would take a time out and discuss a little bit more about this New and Everlasting Covenant.

In all fairness I must state that the modern Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the main branch in Salt Lake City, UT) does not practice polygamy. However, in thus stating this: The command to practice polygamy is still found in their scriptures- Doctrine and Covenants Section 132.

According to Bruce R. McConkie’s Mormon Doctrine: All covenants between God and man are part of the new and everlasting covenant. (D.&C. 22; 132:6-7) Thus celestial marriage is “a new and an everlasting covenant. (D.&C. 132:4) or the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. (Doctrines of Salvation vol. 1 pp. 152-166)

What exactly does everlasting mean?

According to Merrisam-Webster’s Dictionary everlasting means: enduring forever, eternity.

Well the practice of polygamy was stopped in 1890. But where did the practice come from?

To know exactly when Joseph Smith first decided to practice polygamy is a little difficult. In an 1861 letter to Brigham Young, W.W. Phelps wrote that on July 17^th, 1831 Joseph Smith sent a letter to he and five others who were in Jackson County, Missouri that said: It is my will, that in time, ye should take unto you wives of the Lamanites and Nephites, that their posterity may become white and delightsome and just.” In a post script Phelps said: about three years after this was given, I asked brother Joseph, private how ‘we’, that were mentioned in the revelation could take wives of the ‘Natives’ as we were all married men. Phelps then claimed that Smith told him: In the same manner that Abraham took Hagar and Keturah; and Jacob took Rachel, Bilah and Zilpha, by revelation. (see Mormon Polygamy: A History by Richard S. Van Wagoner, pp. 3)

At this time in 1831 the practice and teaching of polygamy was only known to a small circle of Smith’s friends and was kept utterly secret from the rest of the community. When suggestions that adultery and polygamy came up Joseph Smith responded to the charges by writing this revelation:  Inasmuch as this church of Christ has been reproached with the crime of fornication, and polygamy: we declare that we believe, that one man should have one wife; and woman, but one husband, except in case of death, when either is at liberty to marry again.(1835 edition of the Doctrine and Covenants section 101)

This revelation remained in the Doctrine and Covenants until it was removed and replaced with section 132 in 1876 which commanded polygamy. Section 132 was written in 1843.

Wanna know why it was written?

This story comes from a sworn statement from William Law in 1874-

Joseph Smith was already practicing polygamy in the 1830’s  and it was in the Nauvoo time period (1839-1840’s) that he began asking permission from Emma to have more than one wife. Reluctantly Emma accepted but as the months went on and Joseph’s wives became younger and younger, Emma began to incessantly beg Joseph to be done with the practice. She even started chasing the other brides out of the house, as is the case with the famous story about Eliza R. Snow…

Well Hyrum Smith who had more than one wife was not having the problems that Joseph was having, suggested that Joseph write down a revelation of plural wives and celestial marriage. He said: “I will take it and read it to Emma and I believe I can convince her of its truth, and you will hereafter have peace.”

So Joseph kicks out the revelation  now found in section 132 and starts it off with justifying polygamy on Biblical grounds then goes straight to the heart of the matter- a commandment given to Emma that she must accept Joseph Smith’s other wives: And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph…For I am the Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice, section 132:52-53 read. Then the threat comes: For I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law. (Section 132:54)

Being utterly trapped, Emma sorrowfully told William Law: The revelation says I must submit or be destroyed. Well I guess I’ll have to submit.

So this is the start of a doctrine that has spread like an infectious disease among thousands of Mormon Fundamentalists.

Amazonian Discovery

Sorry I haven’t posted in a couple days. It’s just been one of those weeks where I wish I could sleep straight through to Saturday and just get away from everything.

Recently, I’ll call them disappointments, with my family hasn’t exactly put me in the mood to write. It seems I get one relationship patched up and the next thing I know I’m completely ticked off at the other half of my family. Lets just say there is a lot of selfishness and guilt trips happening and while I understand that there are circumstances beyond human control happening- I am very angry that some members of the family are choosing to avoid the situation at hand. Grrr!

Yesterday I read an article about the discovery in the Amazon that could be the elusive El Dorado mentioned by early Spanish explorers. This article talked about the discovery of an Amazonian settlement that situation in the unforgiving Amazon forest where it was originally thought no people groups could survive do to the thick jungle. Satellite imagery is suggesting otherwise. Who knows what marvels away scientist and archaeologists!  (Find the article Here)

As I was reading I began thinking that faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints might see this discovery as opening evidence that the peoples discussed in the Book of Mormon really did exist in South America. And while I could see how they might make this connection I must mention that the time of this Amazonian civilization that has been discovered was settled in about 200 AD, 200 years before the Nephites and Lamanites destroyed and 800 years after the Nephites supposedly arrived in the New Year.

Beyond this, the geography mentioned in the Book of Mormon doesn’t exist anywhere. One either has to distort the story of the Book of Mormon to make the geography fit or distort the land in American itself.

Of course to complicate matters there are no artifacts that back Book of Mormon claims-no evidence suggesting that millions lived in the New World, no evidence of great battles that supposedly took place, no swords, no helmets, no shields-essentially nothing the Book of Mormon talks about can be found in North, Central or South America prior the coming of the first Europeans.

Science and archeology are wonderful things to help prove scriptural stories correct and to help show the divinity of God. But when sciences and historical evidences are lacking one must pause and ask themselves exactly what it is they are being asked to believe. God does not ask us to have a blind faith: hence the reason we all are given intelligence, logic and reason.

“Seek and ye shall find…”

FRUSTRATED!

And that action performed in ignorance and delusion without consideration of future bondage or consequences, which inflicts injury and is impractical, is said to be action in the mode of ignorance. (From the Bhagavad-gita Chapter 18 text 25)

So here I sit tonight-unable to sleep conflicted about multiple things. My biggest conflict lies in the fact that I’m seriously concerned for someone’s spiritual welfare and because of that I’ve become the bad guy because I can’t simply accept that they are happy living in what millions the world over deems as a cult.

Of course I want this person happy but not at the cost of true happiness. Their happiness is dependent upon the fulfillment of obligation to a made up religion, set forth by a made up prophet and given to a made up god. This, in my opinion, does not bring about true happiness but constant lust and desire to do more out of religious obligation rather than a purified desire of devotion. Religious obligation and spiritual devotion are two completely different things.

Ultimately I have put my foot down and will not continue in a relationship with this person because too long before in my life I remained close with another person who followed the whimsical fancies of her own religious credo.  In the end it I was hurt for a number of reasons but more especially hurt because of my great sadness for my former friend’s over all true happiness.

I have not yet achieved the level of discipline not to be a respecter of persons. Now please don’t misunderstand- I do not see race, or financial status, religious or irreligious-I see people, but when it comes to the people I love I cannot stand watching as they throw their hard earned money away by paying tithes to an organization that demands 10% of all income in order to be worthy of gaining eternal salvation. Salvation shouldn’t be a loan paid back through tithes. Beyond this, I can’t stand watching someone choose ignorance over intelligence. While I realize that this is done out of fear and a simple desire to believe in something-anything for that matter, I wish that I could explain without the heated passion of frustration that even though stepping away from what is deemed truth might taste like poison to begin with, in the end the liberation from this dependence of this falsehood, this cult- it will taste as sweet as honey.

Searching for Truth

I still have 22 more chapters to go in the Gospel Principles book. I’m rather over this study as I have satisfied my curiosity and am confident in saying the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a farce.

I finished reading today about the keeping the Sabbath day holy. This is something that multiple religions all over the world do and it doesn’t particularly contradict any specific scriptural teaching. It seems to me that people will set aside any day of the week as a “Sabbath” day with no particular regard to the fact that it originally was Saturday. In the grand scheme of things I suppose it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is as long as the devotee takes time out to worship their particular deity.

I skimmed through the other 22 chapters of the book and came across topics like fasting, missionary work, developing talents, being honest, keeping up responsibilities, etc… There are topics that are just basic to life (perhaps with the exception of missionary work but I think we are all actively engaged in spreading what we think and believe religious or not.)Many of the topics are also covered in a Scientology book: The Way to Happiness so I hesitate to call them “Gospel Principles.” At either rate, I’ll read through these chapters and see what the LDS Church has to say about these things and if there is something worthy to note, I’ll discuss it here.

There are some aspects, however, that I will focus on: which deals with the family, both the mortal family and the eternal family, temples, tithing, eternal marriage, the gathering of Israel, the Second coming, the Millennium, the final judgment, and finally exaltation.

It might be said of me by faith members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I am not studying with a sincere intent to know for myself the truth. I don’t know how much more sincere a person can get when they are searching to know where, who or what God even is. Yes I was a Muslim, devout and steadfast, praying five times a day and attending mosque on Fridays- I refrained from eating bacon and did all the things I believed I was supposed to do. But that didn’t mean I turned from reason and logic.

Upon discovering that things in the Islamic faith were contradictory on January 1^st, 2010, I put everything on hold, remained firm in my belief that there is a Supreme Being, but I am not willing to submit to a faith that is manmade and can be noted as such with just a little study.

God does not intend for us to have a blind faith and this is evidence in the fact that we are given the gift of logic, reason and intelligence. Oh yes, I am sincere-I want to know the truth concerning God and religion.

Perhaps this blog with be an investigation of religions.

The Sacrament

Yesterday was a day to create a new normal. I honestly feel like a new born calf learning how to walk-my legs are all wobbly.

At either rate I started reading Bhagavada-gita which is a Hindu scripture. It deals with the “Supreme” God Krishna. I like its ideas about things but I find the myth a little silly. Anyway, it’s interesting.

I’ve spent some of yesterday researching for the book I want to write and scratched down a few notes. I think this is a bigger undertaking than I originally thought, but I will just see what will happen.  I also spent part of the day catching up with friends and family and in general had a good day-minus the sadness I’m walking through right now. One foot in front of the other…

This afternoon I read in the Gospel Principles book about the sacrament which is the LDS version of communion or the Eucharist. It is said that Jesus wanted them (his disciples) to always remember Him so they could be strong and faithful. To help them remember, He introduced the sacrament. (Gospel Principles pp. 133)

Jesus didn’t really introduce anything to his disciples. The partaking of bread and wine was already a common practice among Jews. (see Genesis 14:18) Jews partook of bread and wine to remind them to be thankful for the “bread of the earth” and “the fruit of the earth.” I attended a Jewish service with my cousin and we partook of bread and grape juice, the afore mention symbolism being explained.

But communion goes back to even pagan rituals and religions such as Dionysus and Orphism. With these groups partaking of sacramental wine and eating bread was a hope for a connection with the Divine. It was nothing new in the Mediterranean world of Jesus’ time to partake in “spiritual food”. So to suggest that Jesus “introduced the sacrament” is a gross error of knowledge of the religious history of the area that Jesus lived.

It is suggested that we should think of the Atonement of our Savior and be grateful for it. (Gospel Principles pp. 137) Here’s the question though: Why should we be grateful? If Jesus knew he would rise again from the dead, then what he did was hardly a sacrifice.

Damn the logic.

New Beginnings

“Every new beginning comes from so other beginning’s end” so says the song. Yesterday, New Year’s Day, I learned this to be undoubtedly true.

I wouldn’t have chosen to start the New Year off the way it has started. I’ve lost my faith in the Islamic religion and my mum and I are no longer a part of each other’s life. It’s a complicated issue. Let’s just say: With stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. -Friedrich von Schiller

So here I am on day two of the New Year wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do now. Create a new normal obviously, but I have no idea where to even begin. I want to finish going through the Gospel Principles book and I want to write a book…Maybe I’ll start there.

Regardless of these floating ideas, there is a hole in my life. Mum and I aren’t talking, mom is gone, and I have no faith. Ok, I have a faith-I just have no religion. I guess I need to ask myself if I really need a religion to be faithful. The answer is obviously no. But there is still a gap.

This is not what I anticipated happening when I started off this study in the first place.

Ultimately, I have to realize that life is not that bad. I still have the basic essentials: food, clothing, shelter, water and I have good health. Just a stumbling block has been kicked in my way and I have to figure out how to recover from the stumble. Life, I suppose, is made up of several of these little trials. If it weren’t we’d learn nothing and life would be in vain.

Regardless of this realization there is an element of sadness that is holding on because I’ve had to let go. I’ve had to let go of the things that I least expected to have to let go of. But we never really expect what we get in life. We just toss our hopes and dreams out there and see what happens. I guess now would be the appropriate time to start dreaming.

30 Minutes

As many Muslims across the world did today I went to a local mosque for prayer and to hear a sermon. Normally this would not be peculiar, but it has ended up being so.

I sat and listened to the sermon and in thirty minutes became rather disenchanted with the initial appeal of Islam. It is rather ironic that my zeal for the Muslim faith would end on the very day the New Year begins.

The cleric spoke about magic, superstition, and people wearing “things” for spiritual protection. As I sat there I thought about Mormon temple garments, the Catholic rosary, and even the Muslim prayer hat (kufi): each one of these things a symbolic “thing”, worn or used to represent an inside feeling or state of being. The cleric spoke about “things” being of no use or worth because they cannot harm nor help you- Only Allah has that power.  But then he went off and spoke about things we as Muslims can say to be spiritually protected.

As I sat there I thought: What the heck?

If physical objects can’t protect a person spiritually, then more can words do? It didn’t make sense. If it is only God who can harm and only God who can help what good are words?

Then as I left prayer, I picked up the news letter for the month and read about predestination and that before God created anything in the world he caused that an account be written of everyone, everything and everything that was to happen to them.

As I drove home I was thinking: What the hell? This doesn’t make sense. If predestination is truth then nothing we say or wear or do will protect us because what will be will be because it’s already been written out.

Now I’m beginning to think that it’s a load of shit. All of it. Religion is just a big pile of malarkey.

No one really knows what’s out there or who is in charge. We all just have our opinions and beliefs but no one knows. If we knew it all then why live. Life is learning and coming to knowledge. But as to the case of religion-it’s a just a socially acceptable form of insanity. Screw it.